Like most of you, I LOVE this season. The tree, the songs, the awkward carol concerts where you don't want too sing too loudly in case people hear you singing (no? Just me?), pretending you like the thoughtful-yet-weirdly-inappropriate presents from loved ones (I once got a set of 2 padded coat hangers. Still don't understand that one), but most of all THE FOOD!! The hugeness of Christmas dinners, with or without the much-maligned Brussels sprouts, the chocolates everyone swears not to touch but eat anyway. If you haven't gained half a stone by New Year's Eve, you're just not doing it right.
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| Well, that's my pud. What are you all having? |
After 11 years with coeliac disease, I'm a seasoned pro at surviving the festivities, but I've noticed this year how many of you feel utterly distressed at the idea of facing the Christmas season armed only with an awkward 'no thanks, I can't eat that' and a feeling that you're missing out on the best bits. So, without further ado, here are some tips to help you get through it without wanting to throw yourself under Santa's sleigh or drink yourself stupid with cocktails...
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| Don't mask your pain with tequila. It's not big or clever and will lead to more pain in the morning. |
1) When your office has a CONSTANT supply of Christmas biscuits and people shove them under your nose every 30 seconds...
Make it very, very clear that you WILL NOT be goaded into eating a biscuit. This is no time for embarrassment, guys. Once you tell them that they will be clearing up the mess you leave behind as you crawl your way to the toilets if they make you force one down, they'll stop asking, and you won't see another non-gluten free biscuit this year! Feeling like you're being left out? Make your own selection box. Grab the DS Choc Nobbles (Waitrose, £2.05), DS Choc Fingers (Sainsbury, £1.99), Prewitts Xmas Tree Shortbread (Tesco, £1.85) and even bake a few of your own. I used to get plain biscuits and cover them with chocolate, nuts, etc. Do all this, pile them up in a box and dig in whenever anyone else tucks into theirs. THEY have to share...you get your own selection. HA!
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| Make everyone jealous cos you don't have to share your biscuits! |
2) Uh-oh. Your work has organised a Christmas party and there won't be anything you can eat.
If it's a party with a buffet, make yourself something REALLY delicious before you go out so you won't even be hungry. And treat yourself to a fancy pud of some kind as well. Because...well, why shouldn't you, damnit?! You'll dance off the calories anyway. If it's a meal out somewhere, it's trickier. Call the restaurant and ask if they can cater for coeliacs (if they don't know what that means, RUN). If they can, fantastic! If they can't, speak up and see if you can rearrange to go somewhere you CAN eat. If they can't or won't rearrange, pass on it and organise your own meal out with your nearest and dearest. Why would you want to go out with a group of people who make no effort to include you anyway? Choose to go out with people who WOULD make an effort for you instead. So there.
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| And your friends will join you in wearing a moustache and sombrero |
3) You're going for dinner at someone else's home and you're not 100% confident they'll make everything safe.
This is an easy problem to solve for one key reason - the host is probably TERRIFIED at the idea of catering for an allergy!! End the misery for both of you. Call them up or go round and talk about it in detail. Offer to help cook, if possible. Take your own stuffing and offer to cook it. Take your own yorkshires and pop them in before or after the non-gf ones. Take your own gravy and serve it in your own jug. And bring a pudding you can eat if they can't provide one you can eat. Make it a team effort and have some fun with it. After all, working together, having fun and enjoying the season is what it's all about, isn't it?
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| Help out by making some gluten free yorkshire puddings |
4) Your work provides a fancy Christmas lunch, but they can't or won't cater for you.
Again, easy to solve if you prep for it. Where I used to work I had this problem every year. The on-site restaurant put on a HUGE Christmas lunch, with live music and decorations and all sorts. And the first year they did it, I was SO miserable. I drank glasses of wine, ate nothing and went back to my desk too tipsy to care about work that afternoon. It was a good day in the end! Anyway, after that, I made myself a fancy pasta I could reheat for lunch (proper parmesan and all sorts). I took an extra glass of wine, and I bake a chocolate mousse cake, which I then whipped out, cut a huge chunk from, and ate in front of my colleagues, who were having 'Baileys' trifle that didn't taste much of Baileys at all. I ended up giving them slices from my cake and we had a brilliant time. I did that every year I was there after that.
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| Take your own pudding and embrace the wonder of having something you know you'll love |
5) Someone has very kindly, but ever-so thoughtlessly bought you something edible that isn't safe for you to eat. What do you do?!
This has happened to me, more than once, I'm afraid and I know how awkward it is. Every bone in your body is SCREAMING at the giver...but the thing is, at least they tried. Sort of. So thank them for the kind thought and make a mental note to raise the issue with them later, because now is not the time. At the next available opportunity, give the gift away to someone who will be able to really appreciate it and be thankful that the calories will be going to someone else's hips. Look at that! You just saved yourself a bazillion calories!
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